It’s Always Rainy In Manchester

by CBallinger


Ok so It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia is the best sitcom ever made, fact. And Dennis is a role model for every man with a spacious car boot and a healthy collection of duct tape. Fans of the show should be familiar with the inspirational D.E.N.N.I.S system, a way of getting women to fall in love with you that the rest of the Sunny gang failed to pick up on. Recently, I was feeling fancy of mind* and came up with the C.R.A.I.G system, something I feel is more useful to young men in this age of binge drinking in dirty indie clubs. The system will work outside of most shitty clubs, during the week, preferably after an indie disco evening.

Here it is.

C. CRYING – A crying girl shows herself to be sensitive, in need of love.

R. RESCUE – Gauge the situation, be the hero, swoop in with helping hands.

A. AFFECTION – Tell the girl she looks beautiful in the streetlight. Preferably, she should indeed to be quite attractive.

I. INVESTIGATE – Ask questions, any questions. If you can’t think of anything to say, you’re an idiot.

G. GET OUTTA THERE – ‘Would you like to share a taxi?’ This system works well in Manchester, because it’s always raining.

I have never actually attempted this method consciously; I’m just breaking down the way I behave when I’m young and drunk. My behaviour has led to a lot of brief, awful relationships with terrible women. If you’re interested in banging deeply unattractive girls, get in touch, I have plenty more advice. Good luck men!


(Additional Credit to Kerri Sandell for help with the ‘A’. I initially went with ‘Attack’ but then deemed it unsuitable).